If you have ADHD, Autism, or both, you’ve probably had this thought in the past month:
“Why does everyone hate me?” “Why do I always feel like I don’t fit in?”
It’s the unofficial battle cry of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) — that gut-punch wave of shame, overthinking, and emotional freefall when you think you’ve been rejected (even if you haven’t).
This time of year is peak RSD season. Back-to-school and back-to-office shifts mean more meetings, more social interactions, more “performing” … and, for many of us, more masking.
Masking feels safe — like putting on armor — but it quietly erases who you are over time. You smile when you want to cry, say yes when you want to say no, and sand down your edges until you feel like a ghost in your own life.
And here’s the truth: RSD is not a personality flaw.
It’s not you being “too sensitive.” It’s your nervous system on high alert after years of micro-rejections, misunderstandings, and having to fit into environments that weren’t built for you.
What RSD Really Is (and How to Spot It)
RSD isn’t in the DSM, but it’s one of the most common experiences for ADHD and Autistic people. It shows up like:
A single offhand comment derails your entire day.
You replay “mistakes” at 3 AM like a personal blooper reel.
You keep reading texts over and over, convinced the tone is different than it is.
You either people-please harder … or pull away entirely.
You don’t have to tick all the boxes to have RSD. If you’ve ever felt like rejection hits you harder than other people, you’re not imagining it.
Why Masking Makes RSD Worse
Masking is a survival tool. We learn it as kids to avoid bullying, get through school, keep jobs, or make relationships work.
But here’s the problem: when you’re always “on,” your brain never gets proof that the real you is worth loving. Every friendship, every “good job,” every compliment lands on the mask — not on you.
And so the RSD cycle tightens: If they saw the real me, they’d leave.
Scripts for Setting Boundaries with RSD
Boundaries don’t have to be big speeches. They can be short, clear, and doable — even in the middle of a rejection spiral. Try these:
“I can’t do that right now, but here’s what I can do…” (Redirect without guilt.)
“I need time to think before I answer.” (Buys you space so RSD doesn’t answer for you.)
“I’m not comfortable with that.” (Full stop. No explanation needed.)
Boundaries feel impossible at first. But every time you hold one, you give your nervous system a piece of evidence: I can be me, and it’s okay. This sense of control over your interactions can be empowering, helping you to manage your RSD more effectively.
Rewriting Internalized Rejection Stories
If you’ve lived with RSD long enough, you’ve probably got a mental folder of “proof” that you’re too much, too needy, or not enough.
At ND Hive, we use a simple exercise to rewire that narrative:
Write down the rejection story — just the facts, not your emotional interpretation.
Write down an alternative explanation — one that doesn’t make you the villain.
Ask a trusted person in your life (or your Hive coaching pod) which version they believe.
Over time, this shrinks the RSD reflex from a hurricane to a drizzle, offering a glimmer of hope that it can be managed and even overcome.
How to Unmask Without Burning Out
Unmasking doesn’t mean you throw out every coping skill you’ve ever used. It means you choose when and where to be fully yourself.
Start in low-risk spaces — like a group of people who get you.
Share one small “true you” thing at a time.
Rest after — even positive vulnerability can drain your battery.
Our members practice this at ND Hive in daily body doubling calls and small coaching pods. Body doubling is a technique where you work alongside someone else, providing a sense of shared experience and support. It’s easier to try unmasking when you know you’re in a space where nobody is keeping score.
The Belonging Ritual
One of the most healing things we do at ND Hive is the “You’re not too much” ritual. It’s simple:
You show up as you are. Someone says, “You’re not too much. You’re exactly right.”
And they mean it.
When you get that kind of validation regularly, something shifts.
Your RSD quiets.
Masking loosens.
Belonging becomes your baseline.
You’re Allowed to Be Seen
RSD will tell you you’re safest when you’re hidden.
Masking will tell you you’re likable only when you’re curated.
Both are lying.
The truth? You are allowed to be seen — not just tolerated. And you deserve to be in spaces that make you feel that way daily.
If you’re ready to unmask, soften your RSD edges, and find a community that sees you all, ND Hive is here.
We’re not a self-help book you read alone. We’re the people who sit next to you on the bad days and say, “Hey, you’re not too much.”
Want to see what belonging feels like?
Join ND Hive today for 10+ hours of daily body doubling, 1 hour each day of small group coaching, and the kind of validation your nervous system has been starving for.